Now that you're gone
by artificially flavoured
Summary: [COMPLETE] A collection of P.O.V's on how Ron's death affects the dream team. A reflection of the past. Please R/R, my first attempt at fan fiction ever! :)
1. Now that you're gone

** Author Name: **artificially flavoured**  
Author Email: **scarred_lipgloss@hotmail.com**  
Category: **General **  
Keywords: **Ron Weasley**  
Spoilers: ** PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF [Just in case. Vague references to the Triwizard Competition, Cedric Diggory, the Chamber of Secrets, Buckbeak and Sirius's escape as well as the Philosophers Stone maybe made.]**  
Rating: **PG-13**  
Summary: ** A selection on P.O.V's on how Ron's death affects dream team. A reflection of the past in which he was a big part, how are they to manage without him? My first fan fiction to date, please R/R!**  
Disclaimer: **This story is based on characters and situations created by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast books, and Warner Brothers. No money is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.**  
Authors Notes:** Now That You're Gone is a very special piece of writing to me, its almost a reflection of my feelings on how it feels for one of your best friends to leave; even if it just to relocate.   
There are time jumps, please do remember that. This is Harry Potter's P.O.V just a couple of days after Ron's death.

** Now That You're Gone  
by artificially flavoured  
Chapter One: Now That You're Gone.**

  
  
  
  
Just like everyone I wish I had the power to predict the future. Or change the past. I wouldn't undo a choice I have made. I wouldn't change my decisions.  
  
I would bring back my best friend.  
  
My best friend of 8 years. My first friend ever. The boy who befriended a gawky, self conscious eleven year old, not **Harry Potter, T.B.W.L**. The boy who placed his friends over himself. The boy everyone referred to as 'Harry Potter's Sidekick // Best Friend'. The boy who took all of that flak, and more.  
  
The boy who prized his friends more than his own life.  
  
**Ronald Weasley.  
**   
Forever doomed to lived in the shadow of his brothers. And then, me. Forever second best in the eyes of the world. Forever being compared to his brothers. Or me. Forever doomed to use something that was once his brothers. Despite all this, he was unique. He was Ronald Weasley. **My best friend.** My other half. My identity, not vice versa. My brother. The boy who possessed a fierce loyalty towards everyone he loved. I'd like to count myself as one of them. I count myself lucky to learn about friendship from Ron. Ron is the type of friend everyone craves, but few are lucky to have. I am once again, fortunate.  
  
But, obviously not fortunate enough. I'm not fortunate enough to know that my best friend, my conscience, my identity would be snatched away from me. I'm not fortunate enough to possess the power to bring back the life that so many people mourn for.  
  
All the people who have ever had the slightest contact with him are struck. By his uniqueness. By his wit. By his charm. His smile, his eyes. There is something about Ron that makes him stick in your memory. Not just the red hair, not just the charm that oozes out of him. There is the appeal, the decency about him that you can spot a mile off. There is that special Ron- ness about him that no one else can ever have.  
  
Ron you can say is a mixture of Bill's ultra coolness, Charlie's easy going nature, Fred and George's mischievousness with a twist of his own. He even has a bit of Percy's cautious nature in him. He has bits of them in him, but the major bit of his personality, is all Ron. That's the bit I will miss.  
  
Loyalty, considered such a courageous and beautiful emotion. It can be such an impulsive, rash and a completely horrible emotion at times.  
  
At times like now.  
  
Don't get me wrong, I know he did this to keep his family safe. I know he did this to help the wizarding world in these troubling times. I know he did this for Hermione and Me. I know he did this to prove a point. I know in his own way he wanted the world to know that he wasn't **just** another one of the Weasley kids. I know he wanted the world to know he just wasn't my sidekick. I know he wanted the world to know he was Ronald Weasley.  
  
I wish he could be here to know that the world does know who Ronald Weasley is. I wish he could be here to see that the world knows who the real Ronald Weasley is. I wish he could be here to see how much they love and appreciate Ronald Weasley.  
  
I wish he knew how much he meant to me.  
  
I just want him back. I just wish I could turn around and see Ron standing there laughing his head off at us. I just wish it was all a big joke. I wish it were me. Not him. Anyone but him. I wish he knew that Lavender did really love him.  
  
I wish he had done his last heroic deed, knowing that he is loved. Not just by me, not just by Hermione and his family, but by almost everyone he has ever come into contact with. Even Draco Malfoy.  
  
I just wish I had one more chance to show him how much I wish it were me in his place. I don't have a family [the Dursley's don't count]. The closest thing to a family I have ever had are the Weasleys. And that's because of Ron.  
  
Ron is untouchable now. **Unreachable.** They used him to get at me. They didn't want him, you think Voldemort even cares about Ron? No. He wants to kill me. It should have been me he killed, not Ron.  
  
I wish I had the power to change the past and thus the future. All I want to do is protect the ones I love. Is that so much to ask? Apparently so.


	2. Can't bring back what's lost

** Author Name: **artificially flavoured**  
Author Email: **scarred_lipgloss@hotmail.com**  
Category: **General **  
Keywords: **Ron Weasley**  
Spoilers: **PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF [Just in case. Vague references to the Triwizard Competition, Cedric Diggory, the Chamber of Secrets, Buckbeak and Sirius's escape as well as the Philosophers Stone maybe made.]**  
Rating: **PG-13**  
Summary: ** A selection on P.O.V's on how Ron's death affects dream team. A reflection of the past in which he was a big part, how are they to manage without him? My first fan fiction to date, please R/R!**  
Disclaimer: **This story is based on characters and situations created by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast books, and Warner Brothers. No money is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.**  
Authors Notes:** This is Hermione's P.O.V on Ron's death. She's writing him a letter two months after his death and expressing her deepest emotions. This is part two of 'Now that you're gone'. There are time jumps, please do remember that. 

** Now That You're Gone  
by artificially flavoured  
Chapter Two: Can't Bring Back What's Lost.**

Dear Ron,  
  
  
I feel pretty stupid writing all this down in a letter addressed to you, when I know there is no way you'll ever read it. Unless you're my guardian angel and you're reading over my shoulder or Heaven has an Earth to Heaven postal system [which I seriously doubt].  
  
How do I know that you are in Heaven? I know you are in Heaven because that's where you belong. I believe that with all my heart. Where else would you go Ron? If St. Peter won't let you into Heaven, then who will he let in? [It is St. Peter that lets the mortal souls in isn't it? I can't remember! So unlike me huh?]  
  
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is [you know I've never been any good with expressing my feelings] you are such an amazing and lovely person that you deserve to be happy. Even in death. I want you to be happy Ron.  
  
I want you to know that you were awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class. I want you to know that Ginny went up and got it for you and she cried tears of sadness that we would never see you smile and accept it and she cried tears of joy because she knew how happy you would have been. And we all cried with her.  
  
I'm not saying this very well, am I? What I'm trying to say is Ron, I love you. I always have. And everyone else has. Not because you were Fred and George's cute kid brother. Not because you were Ginny's yummy older brother. Not because you were Harry Potter's sidekick. But because of your wit and your charm, and because, you're Ron.  
  
You are my best friend Ron, in ways that Harry can never be. You are his best friend, in ways that I can never be. You made us laugh at the worst possible times; which looking back on; seem like some of our best together. Your sense of humor and loyalty never wavered in the face of danger or in the face of Snape for that matter. You never failed to tease me and in your own way that was your concern for me. You taught me how to relax and take it easy. You taught me that impulsive doesn't necessarily mean rash. You've taught me so many things that it's almost impossible to remember!  
  
I remember the first time we met on the Hogwarts Train. I remember watching you and Harry pick out a coach to sit in. I remember how terribly lonely I felt. I remember wiping my sweaty hands on my robes before popping my head through the door and asking for Neville's toad. I remember the look in your eyes as I sat down and introduced myself. I remember trying not to sound so stuck up and to stop trying to talk so fast.  
  
It seemed like yesterday, that fateful journey. Now, that you're gone, I wish I could have had just a couple of minutes with you, just to hug you and tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. But now it's too late.  
  
I don't want to start on the inevitable 'I wish's' because I know I'll go on and on and on. And I know I'll start to cry again. I never thought I was capable of so many tears. I never ever thought you'd leave without saying goodbye. I never thought I'd never get to see your twinkling blue eyes again. I never thought I'd see the day when you wouldn't be there to tease me. When you won't be here for me. I always wondered how I would cope without you, you had become such an ingrained part of me, it was almost impossible for me to think of a future without you there. But, I have started to move on. I have to live my life, if not just for myself and those that I love, then for you.  
  
It shows how much for granted I took you. It shows how much you meant to Harry and me. How much you meant to all of us.  
  
I know this will anger you Ron, I know I'm treating this like a proper letter, but perhaps this makes me feel like your still here. Like your still around us somewhere, that this is all a huge big prank on your part and that you're likely to apparate here any second and there you'll be laughing your head off at me.  
  
Maybe this is helping me deal with all this. Helping me deal with you not being here for me.  
  
Ginny is busy planning her wedding to Draco. Yes, that's what I thought. Draco? And Ginny? But, really Ron, you just have to see the two of them together and you'll see how much they love each other. How much they mean to each other. Draco as you know converted to our side and helped us fight Voldie. Yes, I have started to call him Voldemort. I prefer Voldie. It's funnier. I think anyway. Draco is well, Draco. I have learnt so much about him in these two months. I had never thought that I would call him Draco. Harry and Draco are getting along well together. Harry and Draco are now both Aurour's and are rounding up all the Death Eaters and when Voldemort attacks, they'll be ready for him. Fred and Angelina had their baby 2 days ago. You're an Uncle Ron! It's a baby boy and looks exactly like you! George is still the eligible bachelor though he has been seen dating Katie Bell quiet a few times this week. You think they sorted out their problems? Bill is still with Fleur minus the earring! Charlie is still involved with his dragons and too busy to find the love of his life. Percy and Penelope, have sadly, broken up. Sad, I thought, they suited each other well. And, Lavender? She's started to pick up the pieces of her life and she has started to glue them back together and move on. She really loved you Ron, I didn't know how to tell her. I almost got Harry to tell her, but that just wouldn't have been right.   
  
That leaves Harry. And me. You can stop smirking now Ron. Yes, we finally got it together. I have never before in my life been happier than I am now.   
  
All I need now is my other best friend to be here for me. And unfortunately not even Harry Potter can bring back the dead.


	3. I Wish You Were Here

** Author Name: **artificially flavoured**  
Author Email: **scarred_lipgloss@hotmail.com**  
Category: **General **  
Keywords: **Ron Weasley**  
Spoilers: **PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF [Just in case. Vague references to the Triwizard Competition, Cedric Diggory, the Chamber of Secrets, Buckbeak and Sirius's escape as well as the Philosophers Stone maybe made.]**  
Rating: **PG-13**  
Summary: ** A selection on P.O.V's on how Ron's death affects dream team. A reflection of the past in which he was a big part, how are they to manage without him? My first fan fiction to date, please R/R!**  
Disclaimer: **This story is based on characters and situations created by J.K Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast books, and Warner Brothers. No money is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.**  
Authors Notes:** This is part three of my fic, Now That You're Gone. This is Ginny Weasley's outlook on how Ron had affected her life and how things are different now that he's gone.. Part four to be up soon! [Draco!!]  
Sorry this is shorter than the other chapters, but Ginny is very very very hard to write and I'm not quiet sure on how to write her. She is such an under developed character, I'm not very sure of her relationship with Ron. 

** Now That You're Gone  
by artificially flavoured  
Chapter Three: I Wish You Were Here**

  
I'd **never** ever thought about him not being there for me. I'd always figured he'd be around to make me laugh and make me smile, always around to tease me and annoy me. And now, he's _gone_.   
I'm never going to see his eyes laughing down at me again. I'm never ever going to be able to tease him about the Chudley Cannons not winning any of their league matches. I'm never going to be able to talk to him again.  
I'd never ever thought that I'd miss him, never. It's never even crossed my mind about him not being there. I still cannot accept the fact that he's gone. He's gone. Forever.   
He'd **promised** me. He** swore** to me that he'd always be there for me, and he didn't keep his promise.   
That thought keeps running around in my head. I feel so selfish and so, lost. I miss him, so much. I wonder what his last thoughts were. Were they about Mum and Dad? Bill? Charlie? Percy? Fred and George? Harry and Hermione? or, Me? I wonder if he'd thought of me at all. I wonder if he remembered what he'd promised me, or if it was just one of those things he'd agreed to, so I would shut up.   
I can remember begging him to swear he'd stand by me. He'd sworn to protect me when I was afraid. He'd sworn to fight the Death Eaters if they ever came for me. And I remember ever expression on his face, he'd laughed at first, but when he swore to me that he'd take care of me- forever- I knew he'd meant it.  
Ron and I were always close. We'd always confide in each other, more or less because there was no one else to talk to. Bill had Charlie and Charlie had Bill. Percy, well, Percy had his books. Fred and George had each other, and Ron and I were left to each other.   
I remember once, when Bill, Charlie and Percy were at Hogwarts and Fred and George were in their rooms thinking up some new prank and I'd found Ron huddled into the corner crying.   
I remember the way the sun shone on his hair, turning it from a shocking red to different shades of auburn. I remember I stood there with my thumb in my mouth holding onto the blanket. I remember how lost he looked.  
He'd sworn then that he'd make sure that Mum and Dad never had to listen to what he had overheard in Diagon alley.   
That was Ron. He'd never changed. Fiercely loyal and protective of those he loved, he would never stand an insult.   
I'm glad I never ever saw his body. I'm glad Draco stopped me from running to Hermione's side. I don't want to see Ron lifeless and dead. I don't want that image to haunt me. I don't want to remember him like that.  
I want to remember Ron as the playful, sweet, funny, friendly, over protective big brother that he'd always been. I want to remember him smiling. Not lifeless and dead.  
I remember how the news of his death had made Mum cry. I have never seen anyone shed so many tears. I had never even thought anyone capable of so many tears. Hermione cried her eyes out. **Hermione never cries.** Hermione had stayed calm and composed up until Ron's funeral. When she walked past his casket, she just stopped dead in her tracks and started to sob. I didn't think the shock had worn off until she'd seen him there, so dead and lifeless in his casket. Harry. Harry, everybody's hero couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks either. He'd cried like a baby in Draco's arms when he first saw Ron's body. Even Draco couldn't suppress a tear when he found Ron. Percy wept like a child. He curled up into a little ball and cried his eyes out. Ron had always been his favourite. He'd taught Ron everything. How to play chess, how to ride a bike. He'd even helped Ron with his O.W.L's. Bill and Charlie remained as calm as ever, though you could see the blue rings and their blood shot eyed. I know they'd both stayed up many a night pondering on what might have been. Fred and George look like they have almost completely lost their laugh lines and their sense of humor. They haven't cracked a smile ever since they heard. They just walk around like two zombies. It's sad.  
Lavender. Lavender lost it for a bit. She completely denied the fact that he was gone. She pretended everything was all right and that he'd gone away for a trip and was coming back any day. Hermione took her for a night out and now, only she knows what happened to make Lavender see sense.   
And me? I don't know where to start. I have never ever felt so lonely and so alone in my whole life before. Not even growing up with six brothers made me feel like that. I felt vulnerable. I felt exposed. I was lost. Well and truly lost. Without Ron to push me to do my best and push me to try as hard as I can, I felt helpless and like an utter failure. I felt like I was 10 again. Everyone was at Hogwarts and Ron was leaving me. I knew I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay with me. We'd always done things together, so why not this?   
I felt like that again. In retrospect, I think I felt betrayed. Betrayed that he'd gone on without me. That he'd left me to find my own way. That he'd moved on to the next aspect of his life and left me behind.  
I cried my grief away, and slowly I'm coming to accept the fact that I can still go on without him. I'm accepting the fact that, even though he isn't here to protect me every step of the way, I can still learn from him and his legacy.  
What distresses me the most, is that people don't realize that, clichéd as it maybe, Ron wouldn't have wanted them to grieve about him. He'd have wanted people to move on and enjoy life without him.  
In his honour, Fred and George tested their new products at his funeral.   
Made everyone smile, it looked like Ron was smiling too.  
Finally.  
  



	4. Goodbye To You

** Author Name: **artificially flavoured**  
Author Email: **scarred_lipgloss@hotmail.com**  
Category: **General **  
Keywords: **Ron Weasley**  
Spoilers: **PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF [Just in case. Vague references to the Triwizard Competition, Cedric Diggory, the Chamber of Secrets, Buckbeak and Sirius's escape as well as the Philosophers Stone maybe made.]**  
Rating: **PG-13**  
Summary: ** A selection on P.O.V's on how Ron's death affects dream team. A reflection of the past in which he was a big part, how are they to manage without him? My first fan fiction to date, please R/R!**  
Disclaimer: **This story is based on characters and situations created by J.K Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast books, and Warner Brothers. No money is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.**  
Authors Notes:** Hey! Sorry, this took so long, but R.L interfered with school and exams and sports and such and such. This is part four of 'now that you're gone'. This is Draco Malfoy's outlook on how Ron's death affected him and his world. Grr! I hope you guys like this, because it was very very very hard to write. I didn't want Draco to be OOC and to write about him and his relationship with Ron in a good light would be very hard to do without totally screwing his character up. Hopefully, I haven't done that. Review and tell me what you think. Part five is a surprise and shall be up soon [ I have holidays :) ]. Remember, there are time jumps! This is written about a year into Ginny and Draco's marriage, which is three years after Ron's death. 

** Now That You're Gone  
by artificially flavoured  
Chapter Four: Goodbye to You.**

  
  


I watched her lying there next to me, her beautiful hair contrasting with the pure white of the pillow. Her eyes closed to the world, her breathing even. I sighed. She looked so fragile. Her hair highlighted the pale milky whiteness of her skin, lending an almost transparent glow to it. I watched her sleep and wondered if she knew how much she meant to me. I wonder if she knows how much she and her family has come to mean to me. She taught me the meaning of the word 'family' and of course, '**love**'.   
  
She had, for the first time in my life, made me feel **worthy** of love. She taught me what love was all about. The differences in the word love, the different meanings it can convey. She taught me the **beauty** of the word, she also taught me the **pain** it brought.   
I had never had anyone to love, because I simply did not know how to; because I had never been loved. To love someone, you yourself would have to have been loved, to know what it is, to **acknowledge **its power, its potency and above all, its beauty. To allow yourself to love, you lay yourself open to the repercussions of the action, you lay yourself open to pain.

But despite all that, if you take the risk, if you really do learn to love, without holding back, you know that it is not in vain. When you love with such freedom and such passion, you are sure to find the love that you crave. Her family taught me that. They also taught me to forgive and forget, and to **tolerate** for the sake of love. 

If you has asked me four years ago, what I thought of the Weasleys, Granger and Potter, I shudder to think what my answer would have been. Something involving 'dirt poor' and 'muggle loving' I've no doubt. Ask me now and something along the lines of 'Respectable' 'Fun' and "Family' would be the automatic connection. It's amazing what a change time can bring about. 

To think that I, Draco Edward Malfoy, would not follow my fathers footsteps to become a death eater is amazing, to say the least. And, to think that I, Draco Edward Malfoy, would actually come to **respect **Harry Potter and Hermione Granger and actually _like _them is nothing short of a miracle. It's weird how you just judge people because of their actions and who and what they are, rather than get to know them and then make an assumption of what they really are. I'd always thought of Ron as Harry Potter's faithful sidekick, shows how much I knew back then. He wasn't his sidekick, though it had always looked like that, He was the other half of Harry Potter's identity. He was as much of a part of Harry as Hermione was, and still is. 

And to think that I went to school with them for 7 years and never even bothered to get to know them. All I did do was insult them and take the piss. To think I insulted Ron about his family, never knowing myself, before I met them, what a family meant. His loyalty confused me then, but now, I have come to understand that. 

I was surprised when he accepted me as Virginia's new boyfriend, now I have come to hope that I myself would be able to extend that to any enemy who would be lucky enough to be loved by those that I love. I respected him, and I even started to_ like _him. I got to know him, and I really did respect him, not for being Harry Potter's other half, but for being Ron Weasley. 

Most people would expect him to be just like another one of the Weasley kids, but I have learnt never to make that mistake. They are all very different, but at the same time, they are all the same. They have their own twists of personality, traits they have inherited or skipped from their parents- people I have come to consider as mine. They are all unique, but Ron stood out.

Once again, not because of Harry, but because of **WHO** he was. He was smart, he was funny and he was cautious. He had what is called, **Charisma**. He wasn't perfect, far from it. He was inclined towards loosing his head whenever there was someone in a skirt, save for Ginny, his mum and Hermione. He had given me a chance. He tolerated my presence, and I'd like to think he even started to like me, for Ginny's sake; because he loved her.

In some ways, it's him I have to thank for understanding, and for accepting. His acceptance paved the way for me. His acceptance led to my being welcomed into the Weasley family. He really made an effort to try to understand. Agreed, Ginny had a talk with him and probably threatened bodily harm, but he pulled it off with aplomb. He spent time with me, he even actually started to teach me the rules of Wizarding Chess. We did become friends, and I'd like to think, after his family and Harry and Hermione, he would pick me as a friend. 

It's weird. Him not being around to take the piss out of me being blonde. He always annoyed me about that, even though it was good natured teasing. He showed me what a family **really** was. I miss him being around, though it's unnatural for me to say that. I miss the balancing effect he had on most of us. 

It almost broke my heart to see Mrs. Weasley, my surrogate mother, cry like she had. I had never ever thought anyone capable of so many tears. Even I couldn't suppress a tear at the brutality of his death, the horror of seeing someone you know in that position, of seeing someone you have come to respect as a person in that state. It was **horrific. **

It almost **divided **us all. Harry shrunk into his shell, I remember giving him a sound talking to after he blamed himself for Ron's death. Voldemort doesn't care who he kills. He just does it. I remember him crying like a baby. I remember Hermione crying like there was no tomorrow. I remember the desolating sense of loss his death brought, not just to me but to all of us. The family gatherings weren't as much fun anymore, there was that_ vital _spark missing, but we had all come to terms with that. What sticks out most in my memory was Ginny being half hysterical. She had always been lively and so cheerful, and levelheaded. It was shocking to see her in that state, it hurt me to see the woman I loved in such pain. The pain was almost **physical**, though if it had been, it would have been easier to deal with. It was almost frightening to see what love can do to you. I was **terrified **of the power she wielded over me and I was terrified of what she could do to herself. 

She almost broke my heart. His death affected her in a way that was shocking. I tried to be understanding, I even tried to get her out of the rut she had stuck herself into. She just didn't want any of it. For a while it felt like she _ hated _the very sight of me. Everyone told me to be patient. But I was scared. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was. I was afraid of loosing her, she had come to mean so much to me. But, she had started to blame who I was, a Malfoy, for what had happened to Ron. 

I was, hurt, to say the least. So, I left, in the **typical hurt lover style**, I went to war. Harry found me, and basically threatened to kick my butt back to Voldie boy, and I was missing her terribly, so I wrote to her. The week that it took her to write back, was one of the worst in my life. But, she did and in the end everything worked out. At the end of the war, I went to find her. And I did. And I still haven't left her.

In some ways, I have to thank Ron for what I share with Ginny. I would never have been accepted without him, and I know that though she loved me then, she wouldn't have chosen me over her family at that point of time. Now? I'm not so sure. I'd like to think I mean a little bit more to her than that. I also have Ron to thank, to teach me about what love means. Not just being there, not just missing you when you're gone, but **understanding**, **forgiving **and** tolerating-** all for the sake of love. I also have to thank Ron for teaching me that life isn't just a big game. I won't always be the rich brat. I won't always be young. The world isn't waiting for me, I'm just another pawn in another million. He taught me, that to be a special pawn in life's big chess game, I would have to **prove** myself. I had to prove myself worthy of her love, and I'd like to think I have. He taught me to love without **restrictions,** his whole family did. He also made me realise the power of love. And the **finality** of death. I'd like to think that I am worthy of the love that I have had **bestowed** on me by his family. 

I'd be honoured to have them mourn me half as much as they have him. 

* * *

Thank you for sticking with the story for so long. I'm so sorry it took me so long to put this up, but I will be quicker with my next update. I promise. [cross my heart and hope to die] If you have read this, please do review. Just to let me know what you think. Constructive criticism appreciated. Fames to be sent to my older brother. The next chapter is the end of this; but I'm working on a D/G fic at the moment [**'Twas One Dark Night**] and I'm going to start on my H/Hr fic soon [still untitled as of now] and another D/G fic soon, please bear w/ moi. :) If anyone is interested in beta reading for any of them, please do **email** me. ** scarred_lipgloss@hotmail.com **[also msn] or **diagonalley86** [yahoo! messenger]  
  
  



	5. Best I Am

**Author Name: **artificially flavoured**  
Author Email: **scarred_lipgloss@hotmail.com**  
Category: **General **  
Keywords: **Ron Weasley**  
Spoilers: **PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF [Just in case. Vague references to the Triwizard Competition, Cedric Diggory, the Chamber of Secrets, Buckbeak and Sirius's escape as well as the Philosophers Stone maybe made.]**  
Rating: **PG-13**  
Summary: ** A selection of P.O.V's on how Ron's death affects dream team. A reflection of the past in which he was a big part, how are they to manage without him? My first fan fiction to date, please R/R!**  
Disclaimer: **This story is based on characters and situations created by J.K Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast books, and Warner Brothers. No money is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.**  
Authors Notes:** Hey! The final installment is out. This is the last chapter, of what has been a wonderful journey. This story is/was very special to me, and thank you to all my reviewers for encouraging me to keep writing. In some ways this was an expression of my own emotions, my own pain of loosing a loved one. I'm sorry I've taken ages over this chapter but I hit a major block and I've been digging around it. I'm sorry this isn't everything I wanted it to be; but perhaps I shall be able to make a better version and put it up sometime. All errors made are my own. Without anymore babbling, I would like to present you: **Chapter Five.**

**Now That You're Gone****  
by artificially flavoured  
****Chapter Five: Best I Am.**

I had always wondered what happened to the souls of people once they had died. I wondered if there was heaven or if there was a hell, sometimes I had even wondered if there was a God. I had wondered that if there was a God, then why did He let Voldemort come down to earth and wreck the havoc that he has? Is God even in control? or is the idea of a superior being just created so that people would fear eternal damnation? Is the idea of Heaven and Hell just a figment of someone's imagination? Does it exist? Does it hurt to die? What is the after life like?  
  
I now knew all the answers to all my questions. It was my time to go. I know I was only 18, but; I had fulfilled my life's purpose, what was the point of going on? What was meant to be, will be. To quote a line from a song my mother used to sing me "Que Sara Sara." -Whatever will be, will be. But knowing that, does not make it any easier to say goodbye, to know that you are about to die. You will always crave that one last moment to say goodbye and that one last hug and kiss and the one last 'I love you.' Unfortunately you don't have that one moment in which you can stop time and say all that you want to; and I have accepted that.   
  
Though I have accepted it; it doesn't mean I don't regret things or wish I could change them. I do.  I do wonder if I was the best friend I knew how to be; if I had done everything I could. I do wish I could take back some things I've said. I wish I knew if I had done enough as a friend and I wondered if they missed me. I now know that they do. It's in everything they do. Yes, I watch over them. They watched over me a number of times, and they loved me. Now it's my turn to take care of those that I love.

How come some people die to go on the other world? And some remain ghosts? It's the tie that holds them to the living world. Someone who is mourning your death; or perhaps your death was never avenged. I know mine shall be. I know Harry will avenge my death and soon; the time will come when I will go on to the 'other world' where I shall be judged for my sins. But I'm not afraid. Not anymore. I have done all I can. I see that. The constant reassurance that I needed when I was alive is now pointless. I can see for myself. It hasn't made me big headed or proud. Just melancholy. I wish I were there to see Ginny and Draco getting married and see Harry and Hermione finally get their act together. I also wish I could have been there to see my first nephew. Sure; I'd always known that Harry and Hermione would get together; it was just a matter of time. Why then did I date Hermione? It was destiny; fate whatever you want to call it. It was meant to happen and I don't doubt it. Everyone expected it; even Harry. So I went for it. And no regrets. 

I watch over the people who made me who I was. I was who I was thanks to them. I watched Harry battle his guilt and his emotions; and I tried to help in every way that I could and I hope that I did. He always did wonder if he was doing the right thing. He blamed himself for Cedric's death and for the rising of the Dark Lord. Those shadows still haunt him; though he keeps a tight hold on his fears. Harry needs his friends. He draws his strength from them; he seems to be sure and strong; but he is still fighting the demons of his childhood. Harry will do what he deems to be right; and I know his friends will be behind him every step of the way. He blames himself for my death; but it was not his fault. He is slowly accepting that. There was nothing he could do. The Boy Who Lived is STILL my best friend no matter what. He showed me that I was special by myself. I wasn't JUST Harry Potter's best friend or Fred and George's younger brother. I was Ronald Weasley. I was special just as I was; I didn't need to try. 

Hermione; she always seemed to be the strongest of us all; but she has her own fears. Who'd have thought that she was as unsure and as terrified as we were? We never knew if we'd made the right choice; if we'd done the right thing. We'd gone with our instincts and our impulses; we did what we had to. Some people had wondered why she had been put in Gryffindor and not Ravenclaw. Hermione wasn't just about books. She has spunk and she has intelligence. The kind of intelligence that comes from being naturally smart. It's natural. She didn't need to try as hard as she did; but she did; to do her best. Us Gryffindor's were taught to try our best no matter what and she did. Hermione had plenty of spunk. She wouldn't shy away from doing what she had to. She was the one that stole the stuff from Snape's office in Second Year because she had to. She was the one that was with Harry when they rescued Sirius. She was the one that figured out about Rita Skeeter being an animagi. She was the one that dueled Lucius Malfoy while Harry fought Voldemort to rescue Draco. Yet; despite this she is riddled with uncertainity. Harry finds his strength in Hermione and Hermione finds hers in Harry's certainty that they have to do what they have to, if it means hurting and killing people then so be it. 

Ginny was always my favourite sibling of all. We'd always been there for each other. She was my rock and I was her pillar. I never did forgive myself for what happened in her first year at Hogwarts. To know that she never did hold me responsible has allowed me to forgive myself. Even though I teased her mercilessly; I loved her. How could I not? She was my sister. She'd been there for me when I'd been dumped by Parvati; she'd been there when I was wondering about the whole affair with Hermione. She was there when I was terrified of Lavender refusing my proposal. I still remember the time when we were on our toy broomsticks and I pushed her into the creek. I thought she'd drowned. I have never cried as much as I did that day. She is fiercely proud of who she is. She once said that us Weasleys might be poor but we were honest and we had dignity which was more important that anything else in the world. I hope she knows we were all proud of the sweet, stubborn and naughty little girl she was and the amazingly beautiful woman she is today. She is my best friend in a way that only a sister can be. I hope Ginny is happy and I hope she knows I love her. She always will be my favourite Weasley. 

Draco Malfoy and I have never been good friends. We have never been friend's end of story. If anyone had ever told me that I would think of Draco Malfoy once I was dead; I would have clapped them on the back and said Good Joke or something along those lines. I will never forgive him for the things he's done; but I've come to accept him. If he is worthy enough of my sisters love than he is worthy of my tolerance. But; he has gained my respect and towards the end I did think of him as a friend. If he hurts my little sister I will make his life a living hell. I have useful contacts in this world.   
  
Goodbye my friends. This is not the end. I shall watch over you until the end of time. 

* * *

The End.

Thank you for your encouraging reviews and for sticking through w/ this story till the end [if you have that is!] and thank you for putting up with my constant BS.   
This was just my perspective on how important Ron is to the dream team, and without him what would have happened to them. It got me thinking after I read PS/SS for the nth time, and I wondered what would have happened to Harry, Hermione, The Weasley family and the Hogwarts Community as a whole, if Ron had died playing chess w/ the giant chessmen.   
Ron as a character is very interesting to write, he has so many conflicting moods and even though he has a developed personality, he is overshadowed, unknowingly, by Harry. The affect he has on people is never truly known. Would Harry have been in Gryffindor if he hadn't met Ron? Would Harry have befriended Hermione? Would he have become who he is now? I don't think so. As one of the reviewers had said, Ron provided Harry with a steady rock to find himself. He gave Harry everything he had, poor though he may have been, he still shared what was precious to him- his family.   
Most fan fictions authors end up killing Ron, but we never do know how much it affects Harry, Hermione and the dream team. I hope I have brought to light the influence he has over people, even if it is unintentional. He is a truly amazing character. I have grown to love him and understand him and some of his actions in the books; rash though they may seem and I hope I have done justice to a lovely character; and I hope you love him as much as I do.  
  



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